Insights Of A Gay Boy
by goldenslider
Summary: Everyone believes Ryan is gay. He tried to prove them wrong and failed when Gabriella was taken by Troy. Ryan's thoughts on this. Slash Oneshot.


I know I'm supposed to be on holiday, but I just couldn't stay away from an internet cafe. I wrote this little piece yesterday while I was on the bus, and although it has nothing to do with my other story, I thought it would be fun to show you guys and get your opinions of it. I'll be back at the cafe probably this time tomorrow, so please leave me lovely reviews to make my week alone bareable

For those that like to know, I got this idea from a stupid sign that I passed on the bus saying 'Evan's Lodge, Next Turn Straight On Right' on the way out of Dundee, and I imagined first that there was probably kids that would see humour there and change the word straight to gay. And I was listening to the latest Disneymania album with Lucas singing his song, and I could imagine Ryan looking at that sign and feeling so hurt by it. Then I got the idea 'what if Ryan wasn't gay' and how that sign would really affect him. None of that really has any relation to the story tho, but the ideas for a lot of my stories come from very weird places. Enjoy.

* * *

Ever since I was a kid, people always assumed I was gay. For years, I would be called gay boy, poof and tons of other insulting names.

No one knew the truth about me. Not the real me. The person I had become on the outside was so different from how I looked and felt on the inside.

People just guess I'm gay from the way I dress, the manner in how I act, and with the way the words come out of my mouth.

How wrong they were.

Back then, I am Ryan Evans, and I am straight.

I can't really remember when it all started. The earliest memory I have is of me and Sharpay dancing around at some party. We must have been about 7 or 8. My aunts, them with the posh houses and even posh-er children, would always say to my mother and father 'your little Ryan dances like a fairy'.

I guess that's how it really started.

I don't know what it was. I just liked expressing myself in a way that no one else really did.

And then everyone started calling me queer for it.

Starting high school was bad. But nothing compared to how it was when Shar and I signed up for the school's first proper dance class.

I liked the way it felt, being able to move my body every which way, dancing along with the beat of whatever was played. I would be able to find a rhythm in anything. Or so the teachers would say.

So everyone kept calling me the 'little gay boy'. Even Sharpay had adopted the nickname for me, until she could see how much it really hurt me.

I could never trust her enough to tell her I wasn't in fact gay, that I actually did fancy girls.

She was so ecstatic to have a 'gay' brother. At times, she would point out a guy during lunch or whenever, and ask 'he's hot, isn't he?', and me I'd just answer back 'yeah', just to keep her happy.

I think my parents really knew the truth, but they'd never say anything. My dad wasn't exactly over the moon about having a gay in the family, but I could never find the right time to just tell him that I wasn't. I doubt he'd believe me anyway, he'd probably think I was saying it just to try and make him happy.

So I just continued to keep it to myself, lying to them all when they would ask me something gay-like.

I even tried going out with guys, just to keep up the act, but it really wasn't for me.

Not that it bothered me, of course. I mean, where people decide to put their tongue's is up to them.

And hardly having any other gay kids at the school – or at least those that were open enough to tell me – didn't exactly help much either.

This one guy I'd dated – if you could call it that – for a week or two about two years ago… He was wonderful. He was kind, listening, caring, and in some ways was beautiful.

But I couldn't bring myself to actually love him.

I told him that it was too hard to try and be in a relationship while in school, and he bought it, and I did feel guilty for using him just to keep up pretence.

The day Gabriella moved to school was the day I knew I had to change.

She was gorgeous, intelligent, smart, talented, warm, and did I mention gorgeous? I seriously didn't mind losing me and Sharpay's top positions in drama to her.

Of course Sharpay wasn't happy. I'd spend my time day-dreaming of her, worshipping the ground she walked on, and for a time, we got on really well. I liked her, and even though she'd heard the stories about me being gay, I really thought she liked me too.

That was until he came along and took her away from me.

Troy Bolton. King of the school, God of everything, comes along with his 'I'm gorgeous, love me' smile and takes away the girl of my dreams.

We hang out less often, and things pretty much go back to the way they were. Just me and Sharpay, like the old days.

The Ice Queen and her Gay Brother.

They should make a show of that one day.

But wait, my story's not over.

Remember me saying I was straight?

So how come I ended up on the closing night of Twinkle Towne in my dressing room, half in my normal 'gay' clothes and half still in my performance outfit, with some guy's tongue halfway down my throat?

I was enjoying it.

A bit too much.

And after that, everything I knew about being straight was totally thrown out the window.

As I write this – which I DO NOT intend for anyone to see, it'll remain in the secret compartment of my jewellery box which absolutely know one knows about – I've been seeing this guy for nearly eighteen months, and it doesn't yet look like it's about to finish anytime soon.

We're no longer the talk of the school that we once were when people started finding out.

Of course, everyone – or at least most – in the school took the mick out of us. But when it died down, well… you could say that a lot of the girls were jealous of me for landing someone as hot as him.

His friends were supportive after the initial shock, and eventually accepted me – and Sharpay, we come as a pair – into 'the gang'

Now, I'm sitting writing this, as I wait for him to arrive, sweep me off my feet, and take me out to the night of our lives. Senior prom.

I'm decked out in a tux, in no way looking anywhere as hot as I know he'll be when I see him standing in the doorway.

He's promised me a carnation for my buttonhole, but somehow, I know he's gonna turn up with a rose. He's so romantic like that.

I hear Sharpay singing to herself in the bathroom, her getting ready as only Sharpay can. She's been in there for at least six hours that I kept track of, who knows how longer she's been in there.

Her date's supposed to be here in ten, so I know she won't leave that bathroom for another twelve. I don't envy poor Zeke I can tell you.

If you thought I got taunted for going out with a guy, think about poor Shar. The taunts and teasing she got for going out with a black guy. I hate racism in any way, and I got into many a fight when standing up for them. Shar is free to date whoever she wants, and Zeke is such a wonderful guy for her.

Of course, I was never in those fights alone for long. My guy would swoop in and stick up for them too. Well, Zeke was one of his best friends. And no one took the piss out of any of Troy Bolton's friends.

Oh, that's right… I never mentioned that part yet.

I was amazed too. From the time between him auditioning for the musical, stealing 'my' Gabriella away from me, up til the closing night, I always assumed he was straight.

But then, what do I know about being straight?

He'd known Gabi and I were becoming close friends, and turns out he wanted the goss on me. Was I really gay? Did I like him? Would I go out with him if he asked?

In the end tho, he skipped all that, and when I ended up back in my dressing room – or rather, one of the adjoining classrooms to the theatre – and found a single rose lying on my table, straight away, I thought it was Gabi that had left it.

Stupid to think I was kidding myself about liking her.

I was gay. Through and through. I just had trouble realising that. Pretty much everyone else had known I was gay before I did…

I can hear a car pulling up outside, and from the noise of the rackety engine, I know it's my date.

So I'm gonna end it here. I know no one will ever ever read this, it's going straight in the box as soon as I write the last word.

Wish me a good night with my wonderful guy.

* * *

Ah, Ryan, you should know never to leave things lying around when I'm in your room. You know how much I am in love you, and you know that you are the only person I see in my life, many years down the line. 

You should have put this away in your little jewellery box while you had the chance. Cos no doubt you're reading this once I've already posted it onto the school forums.

People need to know the real you, just like I do. They need to know the kind hearted, sensual (bet you thought I was gonna write sexual) person I have ever known. And to be able to spend the last eighteen months with you has been a dream come true.

Thank you so much for such a wonderful prom.

I love you more than ever.

Your guy,

Troy


End file.
